i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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