you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
