worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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