Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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