be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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