she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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