Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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