i was born a porn star she said
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
