What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
