I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
