Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
