How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
