My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
