my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
