obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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