I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
