i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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