Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize