That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize