I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Randomize
