I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
