We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
