I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
