Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
