How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
You need a sexual gate keeper
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
