I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
