I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
