4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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