If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
nutella sex= disaster
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
