All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
