the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
