My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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