i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
It's shark week go big or go home
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize