from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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