worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
