i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You left your phone here
Wait...
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