if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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