My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
