She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
