just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
My penis needs a shock collar
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
