I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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