I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
