I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
