No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
