Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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