"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
