if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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