Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
