The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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