Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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