ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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