did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
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