She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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