Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
