Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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