The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
