Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
