I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
