Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
