so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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