Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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