I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
