Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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