Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
