I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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