after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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