im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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