Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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